I must continually remind myself that this is a marathon not a sprint. There will be days, maybe even weeks, where the work I am doing is not reflected in the figures. It is important that I stop aiming for specific weights at certain days because I have no real control over that. What I do have control over is how often and intense I workout and eating properly every mealtime. If I maintain those goals then the rest will take care of itself.

Once I am up and underway I actually enjoy this time of day to exercise. Aside from knowing that it is over and done for another day, there is a tremendous endorphin rush that is released that stays with me for the much of the day. I guess this natural high explains why exercising can be become addictive to people. I am not sure I am and addict, but the sensation is very pleasant and is a timely reminder of how much good exercising is accomplishing, especially when coupled with decent nutrition.

Scheduled rest days are a major component of any serious exercise regime. In fact, if I ignore the need to rest adequately I will probably begin to break down physically and mentally. By taking the time to recover and restore I enable my body to remain healthy and ready for the next three days of exercise. The three days on, one day off pattern seems to be working well for me. 

Finally, coupled with all its other destructive characteristics, guilt is also immensely wearying and utterly unproductive. It is strange that I feel a sense of guilt for not training, but I’m certain it is nonetheless an unnecessary guilt.

Unfortunately for me, unless I make every effort (especially in the small things) to maintain my program, I will simply revert to my old way of thinking and living.

Apparently, highly trained Special Forces operators will – when the gravity of a specific situation demands it, enter what they call – Hard Routine. During this time they will allow no indulgence,  will bring all available resources to bear, and will focus with the intensity required to ensure mission success. Obviously, I am no commando. But there are principles I can adopt such as the denial of all self-indulgence, attending to the small details, and  focusing upon the goal until the completion of this journey.

For a few weeks now I have gradually added more Crossfit-style exercises into my training program. These exercises are gruelling and intense but the change to my overall health and fitness as a result is very encouraging.

A solid nutritional foundation will always be the most important component of overall health, especially where the aim includes healthy weight loss. But good nutrition alone will never be enough. More is needed that will challenge my body to improve and I believe by experience that the intensity of these Crossfit-inspired exercise programs has provided that “something else“.

Today I completed my first full Crossfit-style session with our training troupe. My score was nowhere near the best performers but I now know I am part of the team. I am now a participator and not a spectator, a doer not just a talker, which is also the attitude I want to take into my the rest of my life.   

As I look forward to life after lard, I tend to daydream about the activities I will be able to tackle that have eluded me for more than twenty years. If I ever chose to write down a bucket list, I can assure you that what it contains at the end of this year will be vastly different to what it contained at the beginning.

But it may not be the “things” I can do which drives me on but rather being the person I was created to be that motivates me more. My obesity is clear evidence of what I have worshipped – my comfort and my pleasure. My undisciplined life is a poor witness and therefore not a life well lived. As I ponder these things I realise that there is so much more to life than losing weight and getting fit, that’s why I am doing it.

Still, I can be pleased today – weigh-in day. Since I made the decision to get this train back on the track I have managed to lose some significant weight. This is a good start and instills me with some confidence to move forward.

There really are only two choices. I can run away and hide, or I stand against the tide and meet the challenge. Historically, I have always chosen the former option. In reflecting on these past three weeks I found myself wondering whether I would be able to hold back the inevitable. In those moments I came face to face with the reality that I may not be able to stop going back. My experience is that you don’t keep journals when you are in that place. No, you keep journals when you have broken through that stage and in a desperate grab for something to hold on to you write.

One day I will be defined by something other than being overweight and I will find something truly noble to write about. But for now I hold on to the thought that the only easy day was yesterday and each subsequent day is a trial more challenging than the last. But I am hopeful that with each passing moment a deeper resolve not to quit will emerge.

There is still plenty of time remaining this year to reach my 80kg goal. Plenty of time if I go now and not wait another day to get going. Importantly, I find myself drawing upon history today that was unavailable to me on January 1st. I had no history of success then, I do now. For the past four months I have been able to lose weight and acquire a level of fitness that has eluded me for more than 25 years. I can draw upon this success today as I look forward to reigniting my quest. I already feel energised again, ready to focus upon all of those little things that have proven successful thus far.

Punching out the 2000m row today brought a real sense of satisfaction. Not only because I achieved a good time, but because a 2000m row is a microcosm of this whole journey. In this quest as in the 2000m row it’s important to make a solid start, but it’s even more important to keep going strong through the middle section. Through that 500-1500m stretch where neither the start line nor the finish line is in sight is the place where focus and clarity of purpose must be maintained to ensure a strong finish. It is the hardest part of the journey because there is nothing firm to aim at. It’s all about maintaining momentum through the barren middle and persevering long enough to reach the final stages and ultimately cross the finish line.